i am who i am

i am who i am
you can accept me...you can reject me
that remains your preference ,prerogative ,prejudice...as you choose
you can like me,dislike me ,love me or hate me
i have no say in the matter
i choose to have no say in the matter yet i choose to remain who i am
not change ,ever...unless i choose to...

So thought Sneha ,after another bitter row ...in fact two substantial rows ,
first with her mother in the morning and later with her boyfriend in the
afternoon.

Her mother had a straight forward request(so she said) ,she like (almost)
all mothers did not approve of her sweet little daughter who was not so little
any more to go around with this guy.There was no reason for her disapproval ,
at least none that she would share with her daughter.Sneha's mother had
taken to snide taunts ,oblique references and was leading to a full fledged showdown.....saying in various ways that she did not love her mother(who
loved her so much)

Could love be a bargaining point? could love be so selfish?
The mornings row was simply a step towards that.
Well she thought...so be it!

Her boyfriend was quite a trendy and a smart guy(so he believed),
he like (almost)all boys did not approve of his sweet virginal girlfriend
who was not so keen to go all the way with him.There was no reason
for him to press her to enter a physical relationship with him at once ,at
least none that he could convince her with.Sneha's boy friend had taken
to snide taunts ,oblique references and was leading to a full fledged showdown....implying in various ways that she did not love him(he who
loved her so much)
The afternoon row was simply a step towards that.

Could love be so manipulative? Could love be so selfish?
So be it...she thought..the bottom line is that i know my mind ,i know what i want,what i can live with....i know who i am..

Ready for showdown(s)...she sure was!

sometimes just being true to one's own needs ,nature and convictions needs a whole lot of courage...

Especially with mothers & boyfriends!

a hero....poetically...

today i quote the ace poet tagore as i read ....i thought i would write love's words in their own colour;but that lies deep in the heart and tears are pale

would you knowthem friend ,if the words were colourless?

i thought i would sing love's words to their own tune ; but they sound only in my heart and words are pale

 would you know them friend ,if there were no tune?

read tagore....read poetry...

growing up..

This is a true story.This is not my story but as it unfolded i was a silent witness to the pain and agony.

In another step life as he knew it would cease to be .
In another moment he would be giving up all the joy in his life .
In another moment he would be married...

His life could have been a simple ,happy and an easy one..

A happy well to do family , parents who cared for him , friends who loved him and looked up to him , a wide choice of colleges ,careers , cars for him to choose from.He knew that his life was going to be as happy as content and as simple as it was always meant to be.He had chosen his path in all the significant ways.One was his work , the second was his life.One was his profession , the other his soul mate.
He was the chosen one of fortune.

It wasn't to be.

When he began to understand himself and the world around him , he understood that his life was a wonderful one but it demanded something from him.That very moment he began to work hard .Once he made up his mind...well, his mind was made up and his chosen profession was within his grasp.Now his life ..

There was this girl who had always been part of his life.She was his friend , his very best friend, no , not really a friend , she was always more than a friend.A girlfriend , not really,because she was always more than that .She was his soul mate..always and forever.Was there ever a doubt that they would not spend their life together?

Not even a stranger who had stepped into the charmed world that these two inhabited for a split second could have ever guessed in their wildest imagination that these would separate, to go out in the world their separate ways! Yet it was so..he asked she refused .Angry ,torn , alone ,confused, he acted out of a deep need to act .It would be a farewell to his soul...

Here ,he stood ready to take that irrevocable step.To marry another,he needed to gather all the courage within his grasp.So he did ..and so it was done.
An immense farewell...an immense courage.